Last week I got a message that said my daddy was in a bad way and I needed to come. I went home from church, grabbed a few items of clothes and my overnight case and rushed 4 hours to see my daddy. He wasn't too responsive but I could talk to him and hold his hand and rub his legs while he worked his way out of this life.
The experience reminded me of when I have a baby.The veil is very thin, and almost like automatic everyone around speaks in quieter tones. There is a reverence that surrounds the place.
The family gathers and waits. talks amongst themselves and almost in turn, they come in and talk to you. The very presence of these people surrounding you giving you their support and love, gives you strength to do what you need to do. I watched daddy struggle to be present while my son hugged him and told him how much he loved him. Daddy turned and although you couldn't tell what he was saying the words were sweet and loving. He wanted so badly to speak to his grandson. The crazy thing was that even though we didn't hear the words I think we all know what he said in our hearts, because the love he spoke was greater than any words we could hear.
It was getting very late on Sunday and I hated to leave, but I knew I had to sleep. I went into his room to tell him goodnight and I told him I would be back first thing in the morning. Clear as day he said OK. There was almost excitement in the house as everyone gathered around his tiny room to hear any words or sounds he might utter.
Monday night as people came and went we seemed to almost take turns just basking in all that was him. We talked, remembering the good times and for me wondering if what was happening was even real. I felt like I was in another universe and at the same time I knew it was time and there was a feeling of peace. I was sitting in the living room and could feel the veil thinning so much that the presence of loved ones on the other side was incredible. Their spirits are so strong and the whole air in the house changes, and perhaps by instinct you know that the time is at hand. It seemed as though there were many who came to take him home.
Daddy never wanted me to worry about him. A few weeks ago when he was in the hospital I couldn't make it up to Salt lake and I called him. His heart was only working about half way, he was in a lot of pain and his legs had so much atrophy they looked black, blue and really red. (at least from the pictures my sister sent me) I was talking to him and with every breath he reassured me he was ok and he wasn't going anywhere. Monday night all I wanted him to know was how much I loved him and that I was ok, his baby girl was going to be alright with what he needed to do.
My Daddy made returning home look easy. He had suffered for so long, I remember that many times over the years, that we would be talking, and he would hunch over and we would ask if he was alright and invariably he would respond almost out of breath, "It's ok it will pass" His pain is now passed.
When my Daddy left this mortal existence he looked young, he looked free from the pain and suffering of this world. It was as if every stress, every worry, every part of him was finally at peace.
This past week has been a whirlwind. Is it possible to miss someone who just left? There's now an empty place in this world but the next world has gained back an incredible person. A loving man who loved the Lord with all his heart, might, mind and strength. A man who wanted so much for his children to put Christ first in every part of their lives. A man whose children and grandchildren were the very breath he breathed every day. This man who loved so unconditionally that every soul who came into his life knew they were loved. This man who left behind an incredible legacy, shoes that just can't be filled.
This Man Returned Home ~ on Monday February 29, 2016 ~ With HONOR!
Below is my song I wrote for my Daddy almost 7 years ago, when we worried we may lose him back then. I was in the Hospital trying to keep my baby alive after my water broke at 30 weeks. I got a call saying that daddy was in dire straights. The hospital where he was had given up on him, the nursing home had given up on him. My sister Janae, went to see him and he cried and said please don't leave me here. She went straight away and got 2 people and took him home. He could barely speak and barely walk, but her and her family worked diligently and gave us another 7 years of borrowed time. Because of the borrowed time I was able to give him this song while he was still with us. This song is my tribute this this incredible human being I am lucky enough to call my Daddy.
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In dreams of childhood far in the past are memories of daddy forever to last with child like faith
we took his hand he held on tight and taught us to stand.
Late in the evening there at his knee strumming his 12 string he taught us to sing, campfires
and car rides wherever we roam there’s music and stories to take us back home
Chorus: Sing for the memories sing for the day this one’s for daddy as he leads the
way his armor is bright his duty is clear he stands triumphant for those he holds dear.
Patiently waiting a job to be done His hair in pink curlers his daughters had won.
Shooting up tin cans is always much fun his pancakes and jerky will bring out the sun
Our dad is a Scotsman an Englishman too he’s proud of our lineage we should be too
they’re watching and waiting seeing us through making them proud is a job we must do
Chorus: Sing for the memories sing for the day this one’s for daddy as he leads the way his
armor is bright his duty is clear he stands triumphant for those he holds dear.
