When I was young, I remember always being picked apart. My style was too flashy, my weight was too skinny, women who were older than me felt it necessary to exercise control over me or intimidation, they hated my youth.
Being raised a co-dependent people pleaser, I was always in a state of flight or freeze, worried I would offend someone or more than that, be in trouble. I would be in trouble for how other women felt. At one time, my own mother told me that if I didn't do what she wanted it would ruin our relationship and it would be my fault.
I remember I had been given a blessing from a trusted elderly man and it was written out and very special to me. I remember allowing a couple of different women, at different times, to read it and was in absolute shock at their response. Pure hatred towards me because of the contents of the blessing. Somehow I was supposed to now apologize for what was given to me. It was interesting especially as they both had their own written blessing. There shouldn't have been a comparison in my opinion.
There were times when my worry over making people, mostly women caused me to allow abuse to happen to me. There was a point in my life that I realized I was putting on weight to fit in, to be accepted by the women in my life who were overweight. It took a lot of learning and self-awareness training to step into my power and become successful in life.
Recently I had to step back into a world where I was in contact with one of these abusive women, and it was so interesting and actually liberating! I came to realize that she was still, after 35 years, super jealous of me. As I pondered my own response, I felt so empowered instead of small I felt big, instead of abused, I felt liberated. Instead of shrinking and people pleasing, I found myself standing tall and embracing in a new light the excitement of having someone jealous!
As soon as I decided to embrace this power I realized that when people have this jealousy, it means that I am doing something spectacular that they only wish they could do. So many days I feel inadequate, maybe not successful enough, I'm aging so maybe not pretty enough, thin enough. This opportunity was incredible because it reminded me in so many ways how hard these women have to try to step up to do even a little of what I am able to accomplish.
Realizing that other's insecurities about themselves is just that. It can be empowering that you are on the right track and these types of people may show up to challenge your feelings of self-worth, but I encourage you to embrace the jealousy that is thrown at you and surround yourself with those who lift you up, support, and encourage you; because it means you are doing something amazing!
To the women I have in my life now, I say thank you! It is a completely different universe when as a woman you are surrounded by the right women. It increases your abilities as well as theirs when the competition goes away and you are each free to be the best you! Women are more powerful when they support each other.
And men! Same for you! When you are surrounded by men who believe in you!
For those who need to find your tribe, make sure that you are among the types of people who match and are higher above your vibration, make sure they lift you up, and although I'm not a proponent of cutting people out of your life, it's ok to take people in small doses, and allow them to choose whether or not they want to come up to your vibration. Not everyone needs to be in your inner circle.
No comments:
Post a Comment