Mom's have their hearts broken in many ways. Some mother's lose their babies at birth, some have a child who commits suicide, Some may have a child die in a car accident. I have experienced the loss of a baby, my heart broke into a million pieces, It's something I live with everyday, but I have comfort knowing I will see my child again after this life and that he is watching over my family as an angel. But,now my heart has been broken for 3 years now and it continues to break over and over and over for my son who is still alive.
In 1995 I gave birth to a beautiful Son. His sweet spirit was so gentle and kind even while he had been in the womb. He emitted nothing less than that of the love of the Savior. This is a gift he carried with him to earth and to my home. His birth was pretty rough, 8 hours, and transition was almost more than I could bear, but the thought of having this amazing person in my life and the gift that God was sending to me gave me the strength to keep going. I know many moms who know what I'm talking about, we will do anything, even to give our own lives for the life of our child. After he was born we found out his lung had been popped, he was rushed to the hospital where he spent 2 days under oxygen. He was truly a miracle in every way.
When he was in high school he started dating a girl, not unlike most young men his age he was quite taken with her and the more he learned about how hard of a life she had growing up, the more he was determined to make things better for her. I remember being a little concerned because I wasn't so sure she was genuine, but like most parents we support our children in their decisions the best we can
She was a year behind him in High school and to be honest did much better grade wise than he did. some people have book smarts and some people have social smarts. My son has social and cultural smarts. She didn't have any friends in school, so after my son graduated he gave the responsibility to making sure she was ok during school to his brother. A task his brother took on willingly
I remember my son bringing this girlfriend over to our house where she would tell us she loved to be here because we were a functioning family. I learned over the course of time that her father had a severe pornography problem, had sexually abused her, and at one juncture had pointed a gun directly at my son with the intention to pull the trigger.
Just before my son married this girl, 3 years ago, her dad and mom decided to reconcile, then all hell broke loose on how terrible my husband and I are. We went from being the model family to never doing anything right. Her parents became the heros and the gun issue? Her dad was completely justified and would do it again. At every turn her parents, especially her dad find and create opportunities to undermine us and drive a wedge between my son and his parents. It got to the point that if he talked to me without his wife around he would be brow beaten because he didn't remember every syllable of the conversation. I began receiving unbelievable text messages from his phone in words that my son would not use and of course she would slip up and refer to "him" instead of using "me" allowing me to really see that he was not sending me the messages. We have not been allowed to their home and have been adamantly told by his wife that we have to make an appointment to come over. (Funny her parents are over all the time as evidenced by FB posts). We have tried to sneak visits to his job, but unless his wife says it's ok he can't have contact with any member of his family and he will actually make sure he is unavailable for us. Today, on his birthday, my husband and children will surprise him at work anyway and since I am out of town I will mourn. I miss my son so much!
My son hasn't spoken to me in almost a whole year.
I read somewhere that it's difficult for 2 women to love the same man and be friends, this was why mothers and daughter in laws would always be at odds. I have some pretty great daughter in laws, they respect me and love me and we get along great so I didn't understand this statement. This daughter in law, however, I couldn't figure it out, and then, it came to me...
Girls, you are not your husband's mom, we, their mothers get to be that. You have a different role, it's to be his wife. There's this joke out there, but is it really a joke? "having a husband is like having another child" I came to understand through my son being married to this woman that wives and mothers are vying for the same job. I've even heard some mom's tell me that they gave their son to another woman to take care of. I'm sorry, I didn't give my son away. I am still the mom. my husband is still the dad. Our roles change as our children grow up, but our position remains.
Have you ever considered how much your husband does for you? If it were not for my husband I couldn't do near as much as I do, we are team, I help him with what he does and he helps me with what I do. I have a gift of healing and I have created an environment for healing, my husband has a home office and is able to pick up the home slack with the house and the kids so I can be a blessing to other people. He lifts me up when I've had a long day, listens to my struggles, comforts me when my heart is breaking. I am most definitely not his mom and he is most definitely not my dad.
The role of a parent is one that no one can replace. I have had women in my life who have been like another mother to me, but no one takes the place of the one who gave me life, who raised me and taught me about God. The commandment says that we should honor our father and our mother that our days may be long upon the earth which we stand. This is straight from God! I wonder if when women try to take over the mom's position; Does that honor her? I never knew my Mother in Law, but I honor her because she is my husband's mother, she is the grand mother of my children, and in a big way that makes her another mom to myself. Of course I understand that there are those who are unable to have a relationship with a parent, but really and truly does someone else take the place? Or do they give love to you in that space?
My son's wife believes that the scripture of cleaving to your wife and none other means throwing out your mother. I did have to laugh because people mis-interpret scriptures for their own gain. Adultery, by the way, has nothing to do with respecting, honoring and loving your mother. There are however many scriptures that say you need to obey and honor your parents.
Today is my son's birthday, I will miss him and pray for him, and hope that someday he will have the strength to stand up for himself and his family. There are so many out there who tell women to leave a bad husband, but men are supposed to tough it out. I have found that more men than not will put up with everything and will allow themselves to be beaten into the ground rather than leave an abusive relationship. Men need to know that they too are of value! I am the mother of 8 sons and 3 bonus sons. The thing we mothers want most for our sons is a wife who loves them and cherishes them and treats them like a King.
Wives, love your husband, learn to love his family, he is a part of them. By marrying him you become a part of them too. No matter what your cultural background, or religious background, we all come from different backgrounds and when we are married we marry both backgrounds and create something new together, celebrating where each individual comes from.
Some families we take in small doses, some families are easier to be around, but in the end it's how we treat each other and how we show our loved ones how much they are cared for and valued. Time is short and we never know how much time we have to show our family how much we love them.
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