A New Day

We celebrated the Independence of our Nation recently. I know that there's no way to imagine how much our forefathers and all those who fought, lived, died, suffered, went through. I sometimes try to imagine how they must have felt when it was all over. The words in our National Anthem bring tears to my eyes as the writer describes his feelings. There were bombs bursting in the air, probably clouds of smoke so thick you can't see through any of it. But when it all clears the first thing he sees is the American Flag flying high and proud. It was all worth it. and while we grieve our losses, we've created something new something better for ourselves and our children.

I don't think I can say I've created something better through giving my child back to God. When the clouds of smoke begin to lift and you begin to awaken, the first thing I could see was my children who are still here, still on this earth. My children who need me. I realized that I could no longer just be dragged around by them, going through the motions, I had to really be there for them. They are my ensign. They are simply amazing human beings and I get the privilege of hanging out with them.

Have I changed? undoubtedly. I am the same person, only new. I have a patient who tells me I sound like I'm doing better, my demeanor has improved. I think I'm doing better, but at the same time everyday is still a struggle. I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up, what the next day is going to bring. I struggle to keep the depression away, sometimes I am freed for a moment and then I go back to the struggle. My dear friend tells me that I've become a person who can be there for someone else. Perhaps my ability to have compassion has deepened. Hard to say when it's apparent that the pain will never truly leave, everything I am, everything I do I have to qualify to be a better person for that little one who never came, and those that did.

Healing is definitely a process, and much to process, through my mission of healing others I know that it helps to heal me. I am so grateful that those I assist, care about me as well and we, in a way share something together that cannot be replaced.

I am a new person in that I will never see the world the same as I did before. I may laugh and sing, cry and worry, but the realization now is that the world I have to create is for my living children those angels who will bring their children into this world, what will my legacy to them be? A new day is about starting over, starting fresh, willing to take on new challenges and changes. To be awakened is to accept each day as a gift to those I serve, whether it's my patients or my children, or my husband.

Each Day Is a New Day